Mo's Manic Monday - Bite

Posted: Monday, October 20, 2008 by Travis Cody in

Welcome to another Manic Monday with Morgen. Don't forget to cruise by MM HQ at the Manic Monday blog. Today's theme is Bite.

I missed last week due to my business trip to New York. This week, I ask you to take a trip in the Wayback Machine with me.

I present this short scene again as it was originally posted from a writing prompt. You can find the original link in my side bar, as well as the link to another part of the story.

The word Bite does not appear directly in the scene, but I think you'll find pretty quickly that the story does fit this week's theme.

I think this short bit of fiction may also fit nicely into the flash horror fiction that Charles is hosting this month. If you like scary stories, head on over to Razored Zen. Charles has some terrific pieces of his own, as well as some links to other excellent writers.

Investigating a Mysterious Ending

I see things in darkness that no one should see by light of day. So I rise early, clinging to those things of comfort I recall from when I walked in the light.

You’d think that after 400 years I’d have gotten over my life.

But this is not a night for frivolous remembrance. I lost a son last night and I’m upset. There’s a hollow place in my mind where his thoughts lately fit. I don’t know why this happened. But I know his last moments.

I know how he suffered.

The mortal who caused this ache must answer.


I found the alley easily enough. Erik’s essence still lingered. For a moment my spirits lifted...but no. He was well and truly gone.

I was drawn to the spot where he died, gasping out his life as his 200 years were visited upon him at once. The agony he felt would be with me for a long time.

But how had it happened? How had a glorious feeding become death to my child and life to his victim? My blood told me that the mortal had walked from this alley, and something about Erik’s immortality had made it possible.

I will solve this riddle.

The alley resonated with Erik’s death. I centered my thoughts and focused my power, feeling about the air for the remnants of my son’s aura. There wasn’t much left to work with, but this tragedy was seared in my memory. Being in this place was enough to bring Erik’s final moments forth, and I saw his victim in my mind’s eye.

With this image as a focus, I extended my senses, questing in ever widening concentric circles, searching for the visage of Erik’s victim.

And found him.


My instinct was to wrest him from the crowd, rise to the rooftops, drain every last ounce of blood from him, and drop his empty carcass to the pavement below. Yet I resisted. Erik had died after feeding from this young man. I would gain no justice for my child by meeting my own death as he had.

I had this troublesome riddle to solve.

So I observed.

He was a young mortal, hale and handsome, with fair features framed by a shoulder length shock of auburn hair. He was still human; not transformed as I would expect if he had traded any blood with Erik. I was attracted to him. Erik’s scent was on him, confusing and enraging me. My desire to kill nearly overwhelmed me.

I was perplexed as I followed the young mortal down a brightly lit street. I clung to the shadows, shielding my eyes as best I could from the neon brilliance. He was well known here, greeting men and women both with exuberant embraces and passionate kisses. Less than 24 hours before, Erik had him in a similar embrace as he drank his fill and left the body on the cold concrete of the alley.

I shuddered. Erik’s memory of the feeding hit me like a convulsive fever. The seduction...drawing him away from friends to the alley...mesmerizing him...pulling him close...reveling in his gradual awareness of danger...his mounting terror...and finally his struggle to escape. Then the ecstasy of feeding...

...had gone horribly wrong.

I began to weave the same spell, enticing the young man to come to me. I became the subtle predator, reaching across the distance, whispering in his mind to gradually cull him from the bright lights and the safety of his friends. I was careful in case he was on guard against such an intrusion. Would he remember what had happened? Would he understand, and know what manner of creature had attacked him? Would he even know that he should not have survived?

Did he watch my child die?

My concentration wavered. He was aware of my probe. He saw me.

And he smiled.

He let me read it from his mind. He was aware of what I was. Indeed, he knew who I was! He answered my spell, greeting me with my own name.

He had sought a creature like us; had lured Erik...hunted him! He had been afraid, but resolved to do what he must.

No! How is this possible? A mortal couldn’t know me. No mortal had ever known me that hadn’t either become my victim or my child.

Suddenly I was frightened in a way I hadn’t been in 400 years.

Before I could read more, his mind was closed to me. His thoughts faded and went dark. A human could never guard himself so effectively from me without supernatural help.

I cast around me quickly. I was in grave danger. There was power greater than mine nearby.

There! Across the street, in the shadow of an awning.

McAmis! My father of old.

"Hello Lorac," his thought gently caressed my mind.

I hissed. And then I fled.


  1. Dare I ask who "Carol" is?

  1. Julie says:

    Eerie and sad at the same time. You're such an interesting writer Travis.

    Keep 'em coming sweetie!

  1. Excellent, Travis! You've caught me up in the drama...when will you finish it? Your tone and diction is exactly right for a story about vampires! :) Happy MM!

  1. now i'm going to be scared all day trav! i think i'll have a bite of cake!

    smiles, bee

  1. I KNEW what you would do for this word...I loved this story

  1. Anonymous says:

    I was expecting s story about you taking a bite of the Big Apple (NYC!)

  1. I was about to write an angry "You CAN'T end it there" but went back and saw the link to more of the story. That was really, really well done.

  1. Oh Pooh! The link goes to the "before" of this story. Where's the rest? Sulking with lower lip protruded.

  1. Barb says:

    Creepy, dramatic and lonely! Well done, Travis! You actually made me feel sorry for a vampire!

    p.s. My MM post is up now - so sorry - apparently, I don't know how to read a calendar when scheduling posts...

  1. Great scene. I really enjoyed the description. I've added this to my links for today.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Wonderful piece of fiction!

  1. Sandee says:

    Very well done. I'm glad that you are home. Have a great week. Big hug. :)

  1. very nicely done... enthralled :)

  1. Thanks for the creep out, my friend. Creeeeeeeeeeeeepy....

  1. Linda says:

    Considering that I have been quite into vampire stories lately your timing couldn't have been more perfect but now that you've lured me in, you need to finish the story!

    Great read and very, very well done. You can't see it but I am applauding from my side of the country! Bravo!

  1. j says:

    Excellent story. And considering that I cringed when I saw "bite" (I just knew it was going to be yummy cake pictures) I am very relieved!

    I had tried to read Ann Rice several years ago, but her books scared me SO badly, I just couldn't.

    Have a nice evening! Hope your lady is laughing and making you feel young.

  1. Donnetta says:

    I love, love vampire stories. Course, I get the chills reading them. Oh, well. So be it! Very interesting, Travis! D

  1. Now that was some terrific writing! I would've made a great newspaper reporter or editor. But I could never write fiction like that! I'm totally envious!
    I'm doomed to the facts, ma'am...just the facts.

  1. Lana: You can certainly ask.

    Julie: This one resonates with me because of the description.

    Teach: I need a story. All I have right now is a couple of characters and two scenes.

    Bee: Sorry to scare you!

    V: I almost went with the first scene, but I thought this one was better.

    Lois: DOH! I didn't even think of going that way!

    Jamie: I know! Got a story I can use to go with my characters?

    WT4W: Thanks! This was me trying to be as descriptive as possible without getting off topic.

    Charles: Thanks!

    Corina: Thank you!

    Sandee: I'm glad to be home too.

    Laughingwolf: Enthralled? Wow! Thanks!

    Songbird: Creepy is good.

    Linda: If you are interested in the urban fantasy style of vampire, I think you might enjoy PN Elrod's Jack Fleming series.

    Jennifer: I'm partial to the Ann Rice style of vampire, or the completely scary monster. I like some of the other urban fantasy style vampires, but Rice will always be my favorite.

    Donnetta: I've said before, I wish I could figure out a story to go with this character.

    Gracie: The facts are good though.

  1. Miladysa says:

    Oh yes! I LOVE vampire stories.

    More please :D

  1. Jeff B says:

    This story begs for more. As in more of it to be revealed to us. Nicely done Travis. You struck a nice balance between the descriptions of the characters and the action surrounding them.

  1. Marilyn says:

    A vampire story for the word bite is perfect. Fiction in blog posts isn't normally my thing but I really liked this one. It drew me right in.