Some good words

Posted: Sunday, May 31, 2009 by Travis Cody in

I read some words that impacted me the other day.

"...if you don't know how to love around your differences, then you don't really know how to love."

" is it that perfect strangers won't even do my father the courtesy of not going out of their way just to stand in his?"

These words were written by Stinson Carter in a piece on Huffington Post called When the People Are Wrong -- A Son's Defense of His Father's Gay Marriage.

Pam and I don't want to be married. It's not important to us. We love and we live. But if we decided to marry in order to take advantage of certain rights and responsibilities that accrue to married couples, then nobody would say boo.

But if circumstances were different and I wanted to marry my life partner who just happened to be a guy named Mike, or Pam wanted to marry her life partner who happened to be a gal named Susan, well a bunch of people have decided that it's their business to stop us from doing that.

I have never read or heard a valid argument for denying any consenting adult in the LGBT community the right to be married to his or her life partner. Frankly, I don't believe such an argument exists.

I support marriage equality.

Image designed by Shepard Fairey.


  1. I've never understood why some feel so threatened by the idea of two people of the same gender who wish to marry. How does it harm me if Tom and Jeff decide to put a legal bind on their relationship? It doesn't, but still some think they have to need and the right to legislate the so-called morality of others.

    I don't get it. At all.

  1. I know that we are going to disagree on this but here goes.
    The institution of marriage was not originated by any government, local, state, or federal. It was created and defined by an Almighty God. Therefore, no government truly has the authority to redefine it.
    If two people choose to live together, regardless of their sexual orientation, that is their business, but the institution of marriage is reserved for a union between a man and a woman. That's about as brief as I can be without launching into an entire debate that I don't believe was your intent for this blog.
    I still like dancing though.

  1. Travis says:

    Songbird: Most of the arguments I see come down to fear and religion.

    Drilleraa: You're right...we won't agree here. But I don't mind a discussion. With respect, your religious belief should not dictate to others. Marriage is a social contract in this country. Your belief should have no bearing on anyone else wishing to engage in a social contract.

  1. Anndi says:

    Travis, I agree that not everyone has the same definition of marriage... and if one group imposes theirs, where is the freedom that so many talk about?

    We are not the keeper of everyone else's mortal soul. Freedom of religion doesn't mean imposing one group's tenets on everyone else.

  1. Jeni says:

    Trav, like you, I too do not see where there is something harmful happening to me -or anyone else for that matter -if two people of the same sex wish to declare their love and commitment to each other via marriage. Wonder if gays would qualify if they lived together for seven years and declare that it is a common law marriage? After all, no religious beliefs were tramped on in the process of doing that. Right?
    So many people cite as their logic against gay marriage that it is against their religious beliefs but all too often many of those same people will also use the Bible to try to uphold beiiefs that are racist and just plain prejudicial. Not all, but some -before someone comes on here and accuses me of being anti-Christian or any type or religion, etc.

  1. To me it comes down to just a few things.

    1. I don't see how gay marriage could possible impact me in any negative way, and if it makes some folks happy then that probably benefits me since happy people are more likely not to try and mess up my life.

    2. it's OK if someone doesn't "approve" of gay marriage. You don't have to. You just have to leave them the fuck alone because the 'one' thing people own, or at least should own, is their own lives.

    3. I thought maybe there was a third thing but I guess not. :)

  1. Travis says:

    Ann: Agreed. We have the freedom to worship as we choose, or not to worship at all. No one's way is the right way for all.

    Jeni: So many times people forget that we have freedom from government sponsored religion in this country. That means that no one religion will be imposed on all of the people. Someone is entitled to their own religious objection, but they don't have the right to impose that objection on anyone else.

    Charles: As to point #2, yes! That is very well said.

  1. Akelamalu says:

    Well said Trav. I don't understand why some people insist on making other people's business theirs - live and let live I say.

  1. As the very great former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau famously said - while in office - "The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation."

    Here in Nova Scotia we recognize gay marriage, and in my job I now regularly process pension applications where the spouse is a same-sex person. I'm always so happy inside when I see these historic documents, because just ten years ago these retiring employees would not be able to pass their benefits over to their longtime partners.

  1. Thom says:

    Trav...thank you for posting this. It gives me hope that there are people out there like you that suport our lifestyle and our choices. Everyone should be able to marry no matter who it is or what sex they are. The thing is howver, being gay I don't have that right to even choose if I want to. sad state of affairs. But you know what? i don't let it get me down. I enjoy my life and my choices and anyone that doesn't understand's your problem. In my heart I know that my love for someone is as deep and as meaningful as the next man or womans. :)

  1. “the people” of California (atrocious as some may think we are) actually got gay marriage on the ballot.

    so far.

    No one doubts we can get it up for a vote again. How many other states have “the people” who will even do that?

    How many other of the 50 states and DC have actually put gay marriage on the ballot? Not legislative bodies making the decision..actual votes of the people?

  1. you know travis...I'm not commenting to you thoughts have been peculating for a while.

    Just because we do not agree with fellow citizens does NOT mean we can throw their votes away. While “the people of California” may think differently than my opinion, or your opinion, or even Stinson Carter’s opinion….they too are entitled to their opinion. I will stand and protect every single person who voted against me.

    Many of those who voted NO on Proposition 8 are pretty sick and tired of the actions of the more militant. Combing through public records to find names and address of individual people who donated money to Proposition 8 and destroying their homes and businesses and property?

    This is how an enlightened society works?

    If you vote against what I want I should come after you? THAT is what will cause the fear. And truly that retaliation will drive those who oppose gay marriage to be more stealth.

    putting away the soapbox for a while.

  1. Travis says:

    Akelamalu: It saddens me that some won't understand that.

    Julia: I read about a case where the children of a deceased gay man successfully sued to have legally granted bequests denied to the man's longtime partner. That was years ago though.

    Thom: I wouldn't want it to happen to me, so I shouldn't want it to happen to you either, or to anyone else. And I don't.

    NNG: Indeed.

    Katherine: The thing is...I don't accept that civil rights should be subject to any kind of vote. And while I agree that we're all entitled to our opinions, we are not entitled to dictate those opinions to anyone else. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong or right to feel one way or the other on the issue. But I will stand by my opinion that civil rights must not be subject to majority vote. Thanks for chiming in. All views are welcome when respectfully communicated.

  1. Bond says:

    Any couple looking to share a life should have the same rights and responsibilities, no matter their gender.

  1. TopChamp says:

    I find the whole thing weird. But mostly the religious aspects of marriage, of tolerance, of understanding... or the lack thereof.

    We have a case over here just now where the church of Scotland were planning to ordain a gay minister. The decision's been postponed. There were complaints and protests for both sides.

  1. Raven says:

    Amen. I just don't get what it is people think they are going to lose if gay people are allowed to form a legally binding commitment to one another. It's just crazy. To DrillerAAA09... You might want to check out this site on the history of marriage. It was primarily a business arrangement in early days and had little to do with religion or God.