Of Donuts and Kitty Litter

Posted: Friday, September 18, 2009 by Travis Cody in
24

You may know that I am afraid of spiders.

Yeesh! I hate even typing the word. I can't even look at pictures of them. I shall henceforth in this post refer to them as nasty creepy eight legged monstrosities, NCELMs for short.

Anyway, a couple of days ago there was a very large NCELM that scuttled across the bathroom floor and scared the bejeebus out of Pam. And then I saw the dang thing and it scared me out of my bejeebusses too.

Our efforts to eradicate the creature were unsuccessful. It scuttled behind some stuff and we didn't see it again. You have no concept of the anxiety this disappearance caused. Well, you do, if you are as afraid of NCELMs as we are.

Well, yesterday morning we were starting to feel a little less anxious. We were still very careful to look around rooms as we entered, paying particular attention to corners and crevices and behind things and underneath things...

OK OK! I told you we are afraid of NCELMs. We were becoming less nervous, especially after we sprayed some Ortho Home Defense around the baseboards and into corners and crevices, and behind things, and underneath things...

That is, until I went to police Mr Tucker's litter box.

GAH! THE *&^%(&$ NCELM WAS IN HIS LITTER BOX!!!

I thought fast and acted faster. I grabbed the Raid and the flashlight...

What? Yes I said the flashlight. Mr Tucker's litter box is in a small closet where the light is a bit less. Yes indeed that added to the creepiness. But I had the flashlight and the Raid.

And I was determined. I manned up. I overcame. After all, I had my shoes on and that damn NCELM was in a confined space. It wasn't crawling out of that litter box.

Stop it. Don't shatter my confidence. I'm very well aware that if it crawled in, it could crawl out...perhaps even right toward me. But a guy with an intense fear of NCELMs has to tell himself something to do what he has to do.

So the damn thing wasn't getting out of that litter box. And I coated that bastard until it quit moving. And then I sucked it up into the vaccuum.

Victory!

And yet, something nagged at me as I caught my breath and celebrated my big win. I retreived the baggie and scooper to return to the task of policing Mr Tucker's litter box. And that's when I realized.

I had made a poisonous muddy mess of Mr Tucker's commode.

GAH!

So I packed up that mess. Lucky for me I had a spare litter box. It's too small for every day use, but it works as an extra commode when we take overnight trips. So I put that down to tide Mr Tucker over until I can get him a mancat sized box.

Everything would have worked out brilliantly except for one more detail. We didn't have enough litter left!

GAH!

So at zero dark hundred I had to go to Safeway and pick up some more litter. And while I was there, I saw the donuts. So I approached the check out with a box of Fresh Start and a dozen donuts.

That has to be the win for most unique combination of items through a grocery store check out at zero dark hundred.

Now all we have to do is convince ourselves that the NCELM I defeated this morning is the same one we saw a few days ago.

24 comments:

  1. I hope it wasn't a poisonous kind. Our spiders here are small... about 1 cm across including the legs, and I'm quite okay with them. Felt a bit awful today after having to ruin it's web because the genius decided to use my car's side view mirror to fix a corner!

  1. Mags says:

    That was exactly my question-how did you identify that it was the same one you saw the day before? :)

    This post, though I know is creepy to you, made me smile & it made me want to hug you! Which is probably weird. But still. It did.

  1. barb says:

    And you're sure there was just the one NCELM? 'Coz we've got bazillions if we don't spray. We use a product called Demon that we get at the Farm Supply Store. It works great!

    http://cgi.ebay.com/Demon-WP-Insects-Roaches-Ants-Pest-Control-Insecticide_W0QQitemZ130302897543QQcmdZViewItem

  1. Anndi says:

    Um... so now you have the carcass of a NCELM in your vacuum? I won't tell you what kinds of questions about it have now crossed my mind.

    What kind of doughnuts? Did they have sprinkles? Were they bagged separately?

  1. Yikes... now empty the vacuum cleaner bag!

  1. I'm with Mags, Travis you are so cute! I think Pam should take "Killing Horrible Insects 101" and relieve you of the stress and anxiety! :)

  1. Sounds like your battle produced some minor collateral damage, but I'm glad the war was won.

  1. Cheesy says:

    My mom also has "the fear".
    When I was small and my brother even smaller [maybe 4?] we were sitting in church sometime around Halloween and my bro put a fake spider on my mom's leg. Too bad we weren't attending a holy roller church for my mom would have won the yelling prize. I still giggle to this day about it!

  1. Jeni says:

    Spiders and snakes -the things I fear, a lot! Daughter Mandy would also add mice to that list too but mice don't really scare me -after I get over the initial shock of seeing one scamper around the house and then laugh at the stupid cat that is sound asleep as the mouse runs practically under its nose!
    I probably would have done the same as you did -with the exception of sucking the spider into the vacuum. I'd have just dumped the litter and cleaned out the box to start anew.

  1. jennifer says:

    Aren't you the Spider Slayer! Your post cracked me up.

    I would work for doughnuts. If we weren't on opposite ends of the United States, you and Pam could hire me to 'catch and release' OR 'squish and flush'. Just one easy payment of yummy doughnut goodness.

    Cause you know, spiders and I are like this *grabs chest where black widow took a chomp*

  1. you know....spiders drink the tears from your eyes while you sleep....

  1. Linda says:

    As I was reading this I couldn't help but smile as I could just picture you doing some sort of dance movement that would have made Mary Murphy proud had that NCELM moved towards you and you had to get out of the way quickly! Perhaps one of those fancy backflips some of the dancers are very fond of doing?

    I also had to laugh as I thought about the big mess you were making of Mr. Tucker's litter box as you sprayed probably the equivalent of an entire can of bug spray into his litter! And how did that closet smell afterward??

    I take it the donuts were a reward for a job well done? Congratulations o' mighty killer of NCELMs! Now, let's hope this guy didn't leave any cousins hanging around somewhere to extract revenge for his murder!

  1. Julie says:

    Oooooh noooooooo! I hope so too! You are a great story teller!

  1. Travis says:

    Terra: I'm sure it wasn't, but I don't like to think along those lines.

    Mags: We're still working on convincing ourselves that it was.

    Barb: We only saw the one yesterday and that was enough. We try not to think about any others until we absolutely must.

    Ann: Plain glazed donuts! No sprinkles.

    Lois: It's a Dyson, so I just have to empty the drum thingy.

    Mary: If I don't do it, then I'll let the fear paralyze me. So I do it.

    Charles: Yes it did. We're still at war though.

    Cheesy: I cured most of my friends from the need to make jokes about my fear...especially the fake NCELM kind.

    Jeni: I can't even get that close to the dang things. Otherwise I could spray it and hit it with a flyswatter or step on it.

    Jennifer: You'd have to be on 24hr call, and you'd have to prove to us that you had actually caught the things and taken them out of the house. If you could do that, then all the donuts in the realm would be yours!

    Katherine: Thanks. That's going to make my skin crawl for days.

    Linda: Hehehehehehe...It's actually more of a slide step because I have to try to keep an eye on it while I'm retreating.

  1. At our place we live in peace w/the NCELMs. Cockroaches & mice are another matter, though...

  1. JohnH985 says:

    I stand with you in my fear of spiders. I can't stand them.

  1. Anndi says:

    Katherine went there... and I apologize because I giggled when I read her comment... actually, I laughed out loud.

  1. Travis says:

    Julie: So far so good. Haven't seen anymore. Still a bit nervous though.

    Lana: I envy the peaceful co-existence. It sure would safe a lot of tension and probably add a few years to my life!

    John: They are nasty evil creatures.

    Ann: Someone (wink) once taught me that sometimes friends kid and it's not about being mean just to be mean. I'm ok with that now, as long as it doesn't go too far and stops when I ask.

  1. Had one of those ...things...last week. I can't talk about it =(

    Now donuts are awesome =)

  1. Jamie says:

    Hilarious. My method wouldn't work for you as it involves a glass to put over the NCELM and then sliding the paper gently under each of the eight legs of the NCELM in order to slide your hand under the paper. You then walk into the great outside world where NCELM are supposed to reside, and with a flip of the wrist send the NCELM flying into space. Much easier than grody cat boxes.

  1. Jeff B says:

    Travis the Conqueror!

    I just finished painting the outside of a house in which dozens of these nasty eight legged freaks stared at me through their beady little eyes.

    On a side note, congrats to Washingtons victory over USC. What an upset.

  1. 'I'm very well aware that if it crawled in, it could crawl out...perhaps even right toward me.'

    LOL, Travis! This is one of the funniest posts I've read over here at Trav's Thoughts. Also loved your 'Victory! / GAH! / GAH!'

  1. Akelamalu says:

    LOL Trav I am almost wetting myself I'm laughing that much! I'm not afraid of spiders, in fact I rescue them from the bath. Let a daddy longlegs loose near me though and I become a blithering mess. :0

    Did the person on the checkout look at you strange when you put your purchases on the counter? LOL

  1. Kanani says:

    ha ha ha ha ha haha!
    Man vs. spiders amid cat turds.

    That's just too funny. I'm sure Mister Tucker was watching from afar in utter disgust.